Saying Goodbye

Probably one of the hardest parts of owning a dog is saying goodbye. There are instances, of course, when the choice is taken from you. Those are hard days and you scream at the world for not being able to say goodbye. For the unfairness of it. There are some dogs that continue on but when the pain becomes too much they let you know they are ready to go. You get a chance to say goodbye and the dog moves on to the Rainbow Bridge dignity intact. And then there are those dogs that simply don’t want to go. Even in obvious pain they get up in the morning to say hello, they wag their tails, and they continue on as if they were perfectly healthy.

Doozer is one of those kinds of dogs.

Back in January, when he was first diagnosed with bone cancer, we were sure that Doozer had only weeks to live. He couldn’t walk on his leg and he seemed so depressed – an unusual state of mind for him. And then we changed his pain medication and he started doing better. He started actually using the bad leg. He fought his way up the stairs (just 7 of them) and then got better and better at them. It seemed like every day was a miracle and we questioned whether or not it was really bone cancer … even though an oncologist had confirmed bone cancer and we had seen the x-rays ourselves!! Who knew that pain medication cured cancer??!!

And for three months or so, that’s the way it’s been. Doozer running around (so-to-speak) like nothing was wrong. But then he started tripping over his front legs when he walked. He started drinking A LOT more water. He started walking slower and heavier. And he stopped using the leg again – which began to swell. But no matter what, Doozer continues to eat well and get around. He still enjoys going outside to say “HI” to the neighborhood kids and to greet whoever comes down the sidewalk. He wags his tail and wants to be with us. At somewhere between 2:30 & 5:30 in the morning, he jumps his front legs on the bed demanding that one of us lift him onto the bed so he can sleep there instead of the floor. He stands on the bottom step, looking around waiting for someone to help him get up them.

And so the discussions started… when is the right time to let go? Not just for the dog’s sake, but for our own? Is it selfish to let him go now? Is it selfish to wait too long? Is it wrong to worry about trying to travel with an injured dog like this? What if something happens on the road and we are no where near veterinary care? How can we leave him at home? Is that fair to him or the pet-sitter? Is he in pain now? Will he be in more pain then? Are we doing enough to control the pain? And on and on it goes. What a terrible decision that has to be made. Why can’t he just say he’s ready to go and get us off the hook??!!

A friend of mine saw him last week. She told me “Doze is not ready to go”. My response to her was “Doze could have two broken legs and be having a seizure and he still wouldn’t think it was time to go!” It is situations like Doozer’s when the humans have to make the final call. I wish we didn’t have to make this decision. I wish Doozer could be around for many more years to come. Unfortunately, it is not to be. So we did the dreaded phone call to the vet and an appointment was made. And as I’ve watched Doozer this week, I am at peace with our decision. Since last week when my friend saw him, Doozer has gone even farther downhill. Everything is hard for him. Walking, standing, even just laying there causes him to pant. He still hasn’t given us that look that says “I’m ready” but we have taken the decision out of his hands. We don’t think it’s fair to him to make him suffer even though he will gladly do so just to be around us longer. And we would like to keep him longer, believe us! But in the end, I would rather remember him as a dog ready to adventure to anything as opposed to a dog to sick and in pain to move.

And so, we say Goodbye. Or rather, Until We Meet Again My Friend.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.  ~Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899

June 27 2002 – May 6 2011

UKC Best In Show Veteran
AKC/UKC/IABCA Champion Sleepyhollows Doozer v Voyager RN CGC

Top 20 Saint Bernard (Canine Chronicle & Saint Bernard Club of America) – 2008

UKC Top 10 Saint Bernard - 2007 (tie))